Between Grievances and Miracles - Part I

Introduction

Lesson 78 warns us, “Perhaps it is not yet quite clear to you that each decision that you make is one between a grievance and a miracle.” We all know what it feels like to nurse a grudge, to replay an injury in our minds, or to build a case against someone who wronged us. What we rarely ask is why we do this. Why choose guilt instead of love?

What hidden value we find in keeping old wounds fresh? A Course in Miracles (ACIM) makes this claim: we don’t just carry grievances; we actively cherish them. Grievances serve dark purposes we rarely acknowledge. While modern psychology generally views holding grudges as detrimental, it recognizes that the ego often finds distorted benefits in resentment when it protects a person’s sense of self-identity as a wronged victim.

This article explores the psychology of grievances as understood through ACIM. We will examine not only what grievances are but also why we hold them so tightly. We’ll see how grievances form the foundation of the ego’s entire thought system, built on three interconnected pillars: discrete individuality, specialness, and victimhood. Understanding these dynamics reveals both the problem and its solution—for the Course teaches that there is ultimately only one problem and one solution.

“Nothing is so cherished and protected as is a goal the mind accepts. This it will follow, grimly or happily, but always with faith and with the persistence that faith inevitably brings.” OE 21.30

What is a Grievance?

A grievance is a judgment held against a brother that hides the light of Christ in him and in yourself. It is the ego’s way of maintaining separation by insisting that someone is guilty and deserves blame.

A grievance is a belief that you have been wronged and are owed something, which is used by the ego to justify holding onto dissatisfaction. It is a perception of external wrongdoing that is believed to cause suffering and justifies your anger or resentment towards another person or situation. Grievances serve to keep you from recognizing your true spiritual identity and block the perception of miracles, according to ACIM.

A grievance is any thought of condemnation, blame, or injustice. It is any perception that another (or oneself) has done something unforgivable. It keeps the past alive and projects guilt outward, saying: “This wrong is real, and I am right to be angry.”

In the Course’s psychology, a grievance is never about what another actually did, but about the mind’s decision to value being right over being at peace. It functions as a shield against love. As Lesson 68 puts it, “Love holds no grievances.” To hold even one is to deny love’s presence.

Consider how this works in daily life. Someone cuts you off in traffic, and hours later you’re still rehearsing what you should have yelled at them. A colleague takes credit for your idea, and months afterward you feel a flash of anger whenever you see them. A family member forgets your birthday, and the slight becomes evidence in an ongoing case you’re building about their selfishness. In each instance, the original event has passed, but the grievance lives on—because some part of you wants it to.

The Course offers a precise definition of what every grievance really says:

“Each grievance you hold is a declaration and an assertion in which you believe that says, “If this were different, I would be saved.” The change of mind necessary for salvation is thus demanded of everyone and everything except yourself.” Lesson 71

This sentence captures the idea. A grievance is the mind’s way of saying: “Because of you, I have lost something.” The healing comes when you recognize that, in truth, nothing real can be taken from you.

In concise form:

A grievance is a judgment that another’s guilt is real, used to justify separation.

Its effect is that it obscures vision, sustains victimhood, and blocks forgiveness.

The correction is forgiveness, which reinterprets the grievance as a call for love rather than an attack. The solution is an extension of love. The solution is the miracle the grievance hides from you.

The Purpose of Grievances

If grievances cause us pain, why do we cling to them? The answer lies in what they provide. On some level, grievances serve the ego’s purpose. Every grievance secretly says, “I have been injured, therefore I am right to defend myself. I am right to attack.” The ego’s survival depends on maintaining this perception of separation and opposition by maintaining a cycle of attack, defense, and counterattack. The motto might be, “Never forget.”

To cherish a grievance is to preserve a personal identity distinct from others and from God. It proves discrete individuality, specialness, and victimhood—the three pillars of the ego’s thought system, which we’ll examine in detail shortly. But first, let’s look at the specific “benefits” the ego believes it gains.

The False Value of Grievances

A false sense of power. Being “offended” lets us feel morally superior and justified in withholding love. The ego equates this with strength. When someone wrongs us, we suddenly occupy the high ground. We hold the power to forgive or to withhold forgiveness, to judge or to pardon. This feels like strength, though it is actually weakness masquerading as authority.

An identity anchor. Grievances define who I am by contrast: the one who was mistreated, the one who is right. Without them, the ego fears annihilation. Think of how much of your self-concept might rest on old injuries. “I’m someone who was betrayed.” “I’m the one who never got the recognition I deserved.” “I’m the person who was abandoned.” These identities feel solid and real precisely because they’re built on grievances.

A substitute for intimacy. Distance feels safer than vulnerability. A grievance keeps others at arm’s length while maintaining the illusion of control. When we hold a grievance, we don’t have to risk being hurt again. We don’t have to open ourselves to connection. The wall we build may be lonely, but it feels protective.

An illusion of fairness. By replaying injury, the mind tries to balance an imagined injustice through judgment, as if mental punishment could restore equity. We review the crime, rehearse the evidence, and pronounce our verdict again and again. This mental trial creates a sense that we’re doing something—seeking justice, maintaining standards, refusing to be a doormat.

Yet each of these “benefits” is counterfeit. They purchase momentary satisfaction at the cost of peace. The Course states that a grievance “hides the light of the world” in you; forgiveness, by contrast, restores awareness of unity and joy.

We keep grievances because they protect the self-image we made. We let them go when we begin to value peace more than being right.

Sickness as Witness

The ego’s use of grievances extends even into the body itself. Consider this passage:

“The power of witness is beyond belief because it brings conviction in its wake. The witness is believed because he points beyond himself to what he represents. A sick and suffering you but represents your brother’s guilt---the witness which you send lest he forget the injuries he gave from which you swear he never will escape.” OE Text:27.4

This passage explains how the ego uses sickness as a weapon—a way of testifying to another’s guilt. The “witness” here refers to the evidence that supports a belief and serves as proof of what we want to believe. If I hold a grievance and believe my brother guilty, my body and mind can even manifest sickness to demonstrate that he has harmed me. My suffering becomes the “evidence” of his wrongdoing.

“This sick and sorry picture you accept, if only it can serve to punish him. The sick are merciless to everyone, and in contagion do they seek to kill. Death seems an easy price if they can say, “Behold me, brother; at your hand I die.” For sickness is the witness to his guilt, and death would prove his errors must be sins.” ID.

So the “sick and suffering you” is not innocent illness, but a symbolic accusation: “Look what you did to me.” This is the ego’s logic—that pain justifies blame. In this way, sickness serves a hidden psychological function: it keeps the other guilty and ourselves apparently innocent victims.

“The sick are merciless to everyone” means that when we use pain as proof of guilt, we attack others unconsciously. Our sickness becomes contagious not biologically, but mentally, spreading guilt and fear. We would rather die than release the grievance that sustains the ego’s sense of being wronged. “Behold me, brother; at your hand I die”

The power of witness refers to how belief creates evidence. Sickness becomes a witness to guilt when we use it to blame another. The ego finds satisfaction in this false justice, even at the cost of life itself. Healing comes only when we stop using sickness as testimony and instead let it witness to forgiveness.

Modern Psychology

Psychology does not claim that holding grudges is healthy, but it does identify the unconscious ways people use them to serve perceived, though ultimately harmful, needs. These parallel the purposes we barely recognize that ACIM describes.

People who feel wronged often believe they are justified in their anger and may feel a sense of moral superiority over the person who hurt them. This is connected to “justice sensitivity,” where an individual feels unfairness more intensely, creating fertile ground for grudges. Holding onto resentment can feel like a way to enforce an “unenforceable rule” that the other person should have behaved differently, even though doing so harms the grudge-holder.

Grievances may act as a self-protection shield and establish personal boundaries. Holding a grudge can be a primitive defense mechanism, signaling a refusal to be mistreated again. It creates a boundary, even if a dysfunctional one, by ensuring the person does not forget or repeat the painful experience. Maintaining a victim identity may be a way to avoid future vulnerability: As ACIM notes, grievances protect something we believe we can’t live without. Psychologically, that “something” is often our identity as a victim. This identity, while painful, is a known quantity and may feel safer than the uncertainty of letting go. Giving up the grudge means relinquishing that identity, which can feel like a terrifying loss of self and require facing vulnerability and grief.

Another unrecognized purpose of a cherished grievance is that it externalizes blame. It is a way to avoid responsibility. By focusing anger and hostility on an outside source, we can avoid looking at our own role in a situation or facing uncomfortable emotions. This external focus can be a form of self-handicapping that ultimately prevents personal growth and healing.

We can find comfort in the familiar. The act of ruminating on a grievance, while negative, can be a form of self-soothing in the “comfort of our discomfort.” The psychological infrastructure built around “the injustice” becomes a familiar and predictable mental framework, which can feel safer than stepping into the unknown of forgiveness.

Between Grievances and Miracles - Part II

Thomas Fox, J.D.

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